After spending most of my life in South East London younger me could never had seen herself moving so far away from her friends and family yet now I can happily say I'm living in the place I was always meant to be. This may sound ridiculous to some but I never really felt like I fit in when I lived in London, although I had a lot of friends and everything I could need on my doorstep the one thing I didn't have was the vision of spending the rest of my life there. It took me a while to realise this and even though I moved back to London a few months after I moved to Cornwall I knew it wasn't the right choice and I needed to go back.
It took me a while to adjust I was so used to how fast London moved and how close people lived to me so much so that I mistook Cornwall's slower pace of life as boring and dull, I can forgive myself for this this because I didn't know what I wanted at that point and now I can see that I was making up excuses for myself. Moving here also helped me get to the bottom of what was wrong with me, I was able to finally say I have been fainting and I hide it from people in order to not miss out. When I finally admitted it I was able to be referred to the hospital for tests, I don't really want to do into them too much but they induce fainting in you and test how long it took, after that test I knew life wouldn't be as simple as I thought.
The slower pace of life began to suit me and my condition Neurocardiogenic syncope, it just meant that I had to put rules in place for myself to try and avoid fainting, it's not easy and I would faint anyways so I became a little bit of a recluse. Over the 13 years here I only go places with people I felt safe around, it helped me have some footing in the world and know that if I did faint I was around those who knew what to do, as someone who loved to be out and about and was very outgoing there has been a change in me, one that still upsets me today.
Cornwall has stuck in my memory for many years, when I was younger my grandparents took my sister and I on holiday to St Ives and I had one of the best holidays of my life, it's a fond memory of my grandad that will stick with me forever especially since I lost him when I was a teenager. My grandad would come to Cornwall now and then and visit his brother and on one of his trips he got me a piskie necklace, I would constantly wear it and refused to take it off, the one time I did it was stolen from me and I never saw it again until I came across the same piskie charm online and James surprised me with it knowing how much it meant to me, I can keep my grandad close again.
Fast forward to now, the slower pace is what I love most, I feel like I'm getting my life back, I'm with someone I love unconditionally and we are making the most of our life, we live right near the sea and are able to pop there whenever we like, it's so peaceful and calming. Although I do need to be careful, I have to make sure there are places to sit or rest close to me and have to make sure I have a drink with me at all times or even something sweet for after I faint or when I feel faint, I will probably do a post on what I will take with me on a day out to the beach/out and about at some point. I won't lie though I'm still very anxious about going too far and being around too many people not only due to fainting but because of coronavirus, but alas that's a given in these current times.
I truly believe that the holiday I had when I was younger is what cemented Cornwall for me, it was the reason I was meant to live here no matter how much I complained and wanted to go back to London, that toxic environment wasn't meant for me and deep down I knew that. If I didn't live in Cornwall I would probably be living in Scotland as it's part of my heritage, it's just as beautiful as Cornwall.
Comments